So Sorry


"So Sorry" - Wga Registered 1214189

INT. BEDROOM. MORNING

CHARLIE, early 30s, stands in front of a large dresser mirror, tying a necktie around his neck. He wears a white-collared shirt and flannel boxers, no pants.
He stares into the mirror and contorts his face into one of the saddest expressions imaginable.

CHARLIE
(into mirror)
So sorry...

He alters the tone of his voice a bit.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
So sorry...

He alters it again.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
So sorry...

And again.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
So sorry. I'm just so...folks...I want you to know I'm really sorry...

A bit more.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
I had her in my prayers. Yeah, I did. But, you know, it's just...I'm so sorry. God, just really sorry about this. Sorry about this, folks.

He finishes tying his tie, drops his hands to his sides and stares at himself in the mirror.

And stares.

And stares some more. When, suddenly...he snaps!

CHARLIE
I'm sorry, OK?! I'm so sorry?! What else do you want me to say? Why are you standing there, looking at me as though I should be saying something else! Why are you doing that? Stop that!!! Stop-

Suddenly, SARA (Charlie's wife) enters the room, carrying a freshly ironed pair of slacks.

CHARLIE quickly composes himself.

SARA
All ironed, hun.

CHARLIE
Oh...ok, thanks, hun. Just lay 'em on the bed for me.

SARA neatly lays the pants on the bed and leaves the room.

CHARLIE turns back into the mirror and stares into it.

He wrinkles his eyebrows into a face as irresistible as a puppy's.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
So sorry...

INT. CHARLIE'S CAR - DRIVING ON ROAD. DAY

CHARLIE drives with his hands on ten and two, periodically wiping nervous beads of sweat from his forehead.

CHARLIE
So sorry...

He drives.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
(in a different tone)
So sorry.

He wipes his sweat.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
(in another tone)
So sorry.

He drives.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
So sorry for your loss. My condolences.

He wipes the sweat.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
Gees...it was just...man, I was really pulling for her, too.

He drives.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
So sorry...

And wipes.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
So sorry. Honest, I am. I am just so sorry. Did she live a long life, though? Yeah, did she? Ninety years old? Was she, really? Oh, God bless her. She's in my prayers. You folks are in my prayers. God bless you. God bless you...

He is silent for a few moments...but, then...

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
I said GOD BLESS YOU!!! What else can I say?! Tell me what to say and I'll say it?! Only say the word, goddammit, and I'll say it! What more do you want from me?! For crying out loud! People die! It's a fact of life! I said I was sorry and, really, I am sorry.
(he pauses as though somebody's talking back to him)
But what?! What?!!! Fuck you!!! FUCK!!! YOU!!!

INT. FUNERAL HOME - LOUNGE. DAY

Scores of MOURNERS are everywhere, murmuring amongst themselves.

CHARLIE makes his way through the room, now looking completely composed. He walks with his hands folded behind his back and curls his eyebrows into a formation that exudes extreme seriousness.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
(in different voices and tones)
So sorry...so sorry...so sorry...

He walks over to a photo display surrounded by MOURNERS.

MOURNER
(pointing to a photo)
Oh, look at her there.

They chuckle.

CHARLIE chuckles with them.

He looks at some other photos, pretends to be interested in them and then makes his way into another room.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
(in even more voices and tones)
So sorry...so sorry...so sorry...

INT. FUNERAL PARLOR - ROOM WITH CASKET. DAY

CHARLIE takes one step into the room and immediately sees...
Da-duh-duuuuuuum!!! The FAMILY OF THE DECEASED!!! - standing to the side of the open casket. Crap!

CHARLIE gulps. The beads of sweat re-materialize. His heart starts beating like he's Jamie Lee Curtis in a horror movie.

There is a line of MOURNERS waiting to kneel at the casket and pray.
CHARLIE joins the end of the line.

INT. FUNERAL PARLOR - ROOM WITH CASKET. LITTLE LATER

CHARLIE is closer to the casket.

His heart beats even faster.

INT. FUNERAL PARLOR - ROOM WITH CASKET. LITTLE LATER

CHARLIE is only a few people away from the casket.

His heartbeats are out of control.

The sweat drips. His shirt soaks.

INT. FUNERAL PARLOR - ROOM WITH CASKET. LITTLE LATER

CHARLIE'S heart rate is so fast he should be dead.

The sweat doesn't drip, but flows. Pit stains form beneath his arms.

Finally, it's his turn to kneel at the casket!

He kneels as gracefully as possible, blesses himself with the signs of the cross and takes a look at the CORPSE.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
Ummmmmmm...uuuhhhhhh...our father who's art's in heaven...hollowed be thy name...

He stares at the corpse with a face as stoic as a poker player's.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
...Holy Mary, mother of gawd...pray for us sinners...

And stares.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
...who's on first? I dunno. Who's on first? No, that's who's on first. Who. That's what I'm asking you. Who's on first?

And stares some more.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
Bababababababa...macarena...babababababa...macarena...bababababa...macarena...heeeeeeeey, macarena.

CHARLIE takes a quick peek at his watch and resumes staring at the CORPSE.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
All right, Charlie...this is the moment of truth! This is it, baby! Here we go, kid!!! What time is it?!!! Game time! Whoo!!! Let's do this. Whoo!

He sounds like a football player getting pumped up for a big game.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
Whoo!

But he doesn't budge.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
All right...five-four-three-two-one...

He still doesn't move.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
...one-thousand...

He stays put.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
Fuck it, I'm going!

But he doesn't.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
(practicing some more)
So sorry...really, I'm sorry...folks, sorry...my condolences, I'm really sorry for your loss...
(snapping again)
I'm sorry, you fuck!!!
(screaming off the top of his lungs)
Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He continues to kneel.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
Five-four-three-two-one...I'm going!

No he isn't.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
This is so ridiculous! You gotta go! Just go! Now!! Goooooooooo!!! Crazy asshole! Gooooooooo!!!!!!!! Three-two-one go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He doesn't go.

CHARLIE (V.O.)
(between weeps)
No...hoooo....ohhhhhhh....I don't wanna gooooo. I don't wanna gooooooo...please don't make me gooooo...oh, I don't wanna go...I don't wanna goooooooo...
(moaning and wailing)
Noooooooooooooooo!!! Noooooooooooooooo!!! Noooooooooooooooo!!!

After a second or two more, he rises to his feet...

...and greets the FAMILY OF THE DECEASED.

CHARLIE
(to wife)
Hi, how are ya? I'm Charlie. I work for Tom.

WIFE
Oh, how do you do?

CHARLIE
So sorry for your loss.

WIFE
Oh, thank you. Thanks for coming.

CHARLIE moves further down the line and sees a man named TOM.

CHARLIE
Hi, Tom.

TOM
Hey, Charlie. Thanks for coming, Charlie.
(to wife)
This is Charlie. He works for me.

WIFE
Yes, we met.

CHARLIE nods and smiles.

CHARLIE
OK, take care folks.

TOM
All right, Charlie. Thanks again.

CHARLIE gives the FAMILY OF THE DECEASED one last consoling nod and leaves the funeral parlor.

THE END

 


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