First Phone Call


It’s one of the worst phone calls
You ever have to make

You write down notes
So that there’s no awkward silences
You try to steer the conversation
In a direction where there’s energy
On both sides
GOOD energy
And you’re both engaged
Interested

But several minutes in
You realize the conversation’s heading south
She’s talking about something
You have no interest in
But you want to have interest in
And your paws are clawing and clawing
For some sort of grip on the conversation
But it’s just not there
And you keep saying “oh really?”
And “right, right”
And it keeps on heading in the southward direction
And you start to panic
You sweat
You flip through your notes
But it’s all completely different topics
The transition would be too awkward
And rough
So the conversation keeps going
And going
And nothing you do
Saves it
It’s like that game Tetris
Where the shit keeps on piling up
And up 
And up
And up
And you desperately try to stay in the game
You try to get things under control
But the shit keeps falling
And piling
Falling
And piling
And pretty soon
Boom!
It’s game over
The conversation’s dead
Flat-lined
And resuscitation just isn’t possible
So it’s best to hang up
Without any explanation
Pretend it never happened
Find another girl
And hope
That the next first phone call
Goes better

 


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