On the Bridge


Gawd, it’s about 5am.
The sky’s getting bluish.
The birds are waking up.
I hear chirps.

The booze is wearing off.
The headache’s setting in.
Buzzed bliss
Is turning to panicked regret.
Well, it already did…
Awhile ago.

That’s why I’m here…

Standing here on the steel beam.
One step.
That’s all there is.
One step to end it all.

I like having that power.
The upper hand
Over
Life.

Life thought it had the upper hand
But now I do.
I
Have
The power.

I want to do it.
Take that step. But
It’s
So
Final.

I’m confident there’s other lives.
Reincarnations.
Past lives.
Future lives.

But ending Timothy Scott
Is so final. There is only one
Timothy Scott.
He only lives once.

This is the life
I remember.

The only life
I remember.

As far as my conscious mind is concerned…
The only life that ever existed.

It’s so tempting, though.
One step away.
One step is between me
And peace.

But then life starts flashing before my very eyes.
It sounds like a cliché
But it's true
It really happens.

I think mostly about school. 
All that school.
Elementary
Middle
High
College.

I smell my old elementary school.
The bathrooms.
Cheap pink soap.
The scent of the paper towels.
The cafeteria.
The meals.
Chicken nuggets.
Chicken potpie.
The paste in art class.

The smells spark other memories.
Sporks.
Young vomit.
Sawdust to clean up vomit.
Cupcakes for birthdays.
Assemblies.
Gym class.
Valentines Day.
The boxes of Valentines
You would purchase at the pharmacy.
Jetsons.
Flintstones.
Yogi Bear.
Thundercats.
Transformers.
Et cetera blah blah.

I worked my ass off, from K-12 and beyond.
For what???
Not sure.

I see myself back in those schools.
And my eyes burn with tears
Knowing that the ambitious child
Was going to end up out here
High up on this steel beam…

I thought
There was
Something
To work for.

I tried so hard.
Such a great effort.
Busted my ass.
And did all those extra activities.
Band.
Drama club. 
Track.
Blah blah blah…

Good college resume.
Good work resume.
And for what?
What was it for??

Conditioned to think it matters.
That there’s a future.
That
All
Dreams
Come
True.

One step.

So much of me
Tried so hard
To
Succeed
In life.

And here I am.
The road of ambition
Led me to here.

Things
Are so
Different
From
How
We
Envisioned.

I want to take the step
One step.
This is the bridge
Between
Life
And 
Death.

But too much effort
Was put
Into this life
Thus-far.
It would be a waste.

And then there’s my parents.
They also
Put so much effort
Into me.

All that time
Money
Energy
And LOVE….

Cooked for me.
Clothed me.
Bought sneakers for me.
Saved for my college tuition.
Cared so much
About
My
Future.

So it would be a waste for them.
A bad return on their investment.

Forget about what it means for me…

It would be a waste for them.

And that’s really the reason
I’m not going to take the step.
Out of an obligation
To the investors.

I am property.
A product.
Commodity.

And I have a responsibility
Not to myself
But to the shareholders.

 


About Matt Burns
Films and Videos
Filmography
Wedding/Event Videography
Paranormal Writing (NEW!)
Novels
Short Scripts/Stories
Essays/Blogs Archive
Fun Writing
Poetry
Blogs
YouTube
Facebook
Fan Mail
Contacting Matt Burns
e-mail me